RSS Feed

Category Archives: Winter

Thanksgiving Thoughts: The Anti Thanksgiving Post.

Why turkey? Is it because it only comes in one size—gigantic—and not small and cute like those cute little roaster chickens we eat during the rest of the year?

Whose idea was it that we should all gather with family? Is it to show us how grateful we are to be able to leave them?

Have you ever noticed that on the week of Thanksgiving there is a ton of food in the house, but nothing to eat Monday through Wednesday? Once all that Thursday cooking is done, the fridge is empty, and so is your wallet because you spent your entire food budget on food for just one day.

Want to see the scariest place on earth? Visit a supermarket on Thanksgiving week. It’s as if everyone just suddenly remembered a holiday we celebrate every year at the same time was upon them.

Seriously, why do we eat the same meal every year? It’s a little creepy, almost as if we’ve been brainwashed. (Yes, I do understand what the word tradition means, but if you’re asking me that, you clearly don’t understand what the word sarcastic means)

Who are you fooling with that fancy china? No one gives a crap what their plate looks like when it’s slathered in gravy.

Why does Thanksgiving have to “kick off” the holiday season? Do we really need a whole “season” for holidays?

Who decided that standing on line at four am (not for a club) all drunk on turkey was a fun idea? How in the hell did they get that many people to buy into it??

Does anyone really watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade?  Have you seen those creepy floats?  I mean really, people.

 

It’s official—Thanksgiving is an obligatory pain in the ass, and I’m grateful that every year I get to say it.

 

I hope you all survive the endless eating and encounters with family 🙂

Advertisements

Snow: A Pretty Headache.

How the hell do I get out the door?

The first HUGE snowstorm of the season sort of sneaked up on us here in the Northeast.  Everyone was busy being wrapped in holiday cheer, and apparently didn’t really care about the weather—myself included.  Suddenly, however, Sunday appeared and as everyone waddled out of their Christmas comas, they were delighted with snowflakes falling to the ground.  The delight didn’t last long, however.  The snow continued to fall, faster and faster, piling higher and higher on the ground, on cars, on the streets. It wasn’t long before it was full blown snow chaos.  Finally, the snow stopped, and the ultimate Christmas present/ headache was unveiled: 3 feet of fluffy, white… mess.

Cars were buried in snow, streets were only a fond memory, and everyone was trapped in their houses.  Business attempted to open, only to find huge snowed in parking lots and zero employees able to make it to work.  Plows seemed nonexistent or stuck somewhere in the snow. People grabbed their shovels and made valiant efforts to dig out their front porches, their cars, only to be laughed at by the huge mounds of snow covering them up to their knees.  Soon everyone accepted the fact that they were snowed in, and they might as well forget about digging out. Shovels were replaced by hot chocolate and stares from the window.

The snow is an interesting enigma. It has the power to stop people dead in their tracks and force them to slow down, to do nothing.  You are forced to stare at the inside of your house and find something to keep you busy. Insanity may ensue.  Snow looks pretty and magical for a moment, but then you get out there and realize, “Damn, I’ve got to shovel this??”  It’s cold, wet, and slippery. It turns ugly shades of brown and black quickly, going from picturesque landscape to the ultimate eyesore. It keeps you trapped.  It also, however, reminds us that once again, even in this technologically advanced world we live in, we are still at the mercy of something as simple as giant white snowflakes.

So, here’s a New Year’s toast to the snow! Thanks for getting me two free days off of work!