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The Heat War, part 1.

Welcome to October in the Northeast United States, a lovely time of sunny days and cool, refreshing breezes, perfect for tossing on a nice, cozy sweater and enjoying the lower temperatures.

Yes, enjoying the weather… as long as you don’t work in my office, however.

Nope, if you work with me, you’ve got to come in full on beach gear, year ‘round.

I am not a fan of being hot unless I am lounging on a beach (or hammock), unencumbered by the world and its spiteful responsibilities. I particularly hate the dry, smelly, suffocating hot false heat created by heaters inside a building. If you regularly follow my blog (you better!!), you know that I am subject to excruciating temperatures throughout the year inside my little drone land (lots of middle aged women… you get the idea).  It should come as no surprise then that the change of season brings about The Heat War in my office.  The Heat War is a reoccurring battle, one that I usually loose (no surprise there). As usual with the way things work in the world, the way of the few and powerful is forced upon the masses. This is no different in my office. The thermostat is treated like the most scared object that one could possibly encounter. I mean, I’m shocked it’s out there in plain view, for all us non-elites to see. Oh, wait, that’s right… it’s only there as a tease. You see, the thermostat is better protected than the President. It sits high and mighty on the wall, in a clear, impenetrable locked box. The key that unlocks this magic box is apparently on par with The Holy Grail, and it is keep under watchful eye, with access going only to the privileged and elite.  Only a precious few have access to the key (and a temperature regulated paradise!), and the rest of us peasants must accept the temperature and suffer. That’s right, as soon as the calendar flips its page to October; the heat kicks on, even if it is 72 balmy degrees outside. You may not ask for it to be turned off either, God no!  This cannot and will not happen, so don’t get any crazy ideas. Instead, just come dressed for the beach (make that the nude beach, ok? It’s that freakin’ hot!).

My conspiracy thinking head begs me to believe it’s a test, honestly. A sick game, if you will.  They’re trying to sweat us out, see who cracks first, who reveals the damn secrets. The secrets of what, you ask?? Well, I’m not sure exactly, but there must be some, right?? I mean, what else could be the reason for this heat torture? (Didn’t I tell you readers previously that this office was better than Guantanamo?  Let’s consider this “Exhibit B,” shall we??) (If you haven’t read it, check my entry from July 15, 2010)

I mean, it couldn’t possibly be that the person in charge of the almighty key was just too… illogical (and that’s being so kind) to watch the weather and control the temperature accordingly, could it?? No, they would never give someone that… (lacking common sense, lazy, totally out of touch with reality)… illogical (being kind again!) so much power, would they??

I mean, wait… aren’t people “in charge” usually smart and educated and able to make rational decisions? Hmm… what’s that, you say? Have I ever heard of whom? Politicians? Ooooh, that’s right

To be continued….